I am not even sure where that term comes from...but I am one. When I stop and think about it I don't even like the visual image that gets conjured up with the term "wart"...but whatever. I am a worrier. I cannot help it.
I have been worrying since the beginning of this journey to parenthood.
What if we don't get pregnant right away? What if we have to go to a fertility specialist? What if I can't have kids? What if Nick can't have kids? What if I have to adopt? What if no one picks us to adopt? What if I try to adopt from China and I get locked up all "B.rokedown P.alace" style and a roach crawls in my ear? (ok...that one is a bit of a stretch, but it goes to show how crazy I can get)
What if we go to a fertility specialist and we take C.lomid and it doesn't work? What if we spend thousands of dollars on IUI and it still doesn't work? What if we have to turn to IVF? What if we can't pay for IVF? What if we pay for IVF and it doesn't work and we can't afford to do it again?
Once we began treatment my "what ifs" changed with our first pregnancy and loss and our second pregnancy and loss...
What if I can't stay pregnant? What if every pregnancy leads to miscarriage? What if? What if? What if?
Now that we are pregnant...I have a whole new set of worries. It never stops. I suppose it never will.
One of my favorite songs (of course) is Trouble by R.ay L.aMontagne. You know the one...it is on the Tr.avelers Insurance commercial with the cute little dog and his bone (click here to see it).
Here are a few of the lyrics:
Worry...
Worry...worry...worry...worry
Worry just will not seem to leave my mind alone...
Worry...
Worry...worry...worry...worry
Sometimes I swear I feel like this worry is my only friend.
I have been consumed by it lately.
My biggest new worry is the Nuchal Translucency scan. I have been comparing my 10w ultrasound pics to those found after "googling" NT scan. I have decided that I (with all of my advanced degrees from Google Med school) can read and interpret not only my ultrasound images, but also those posted on-line, and that based on my findings I need to prepare for the worst.
Nick thinks I have officially gone over the edge. I even justify my statements of insanity by preceding my comments with..."I know I am crazy...but..." He won't even indulge. When I stress to him that we could have a baby with Down's...he answers simply with "I know." You see...he is not a worrier. (Thank goodness...because I have more than enough for both of us.)
However...I have been trying to be better and all thanks to an email "forward" that I accidentally opened before moving it to the trash. The very first line was all about worry.
It said...
Don't worry about things in the future. Because if you worry about things in the future and everything turns out okay...you have worried in vain. If you worry about things in the future and things aren't okay...you will have worried twice. Live and enjoy the moment you are in.
So that's what I am trying to do.
It's not easy...but I'm not going to worry about it. ;)
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
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9 comments:
It does get better. Promise. I'm a total crazy worrier, too. Once you can feel those babies move, it does help. But, then I worry that she hasn't moved lately, etc. Try not to worry - it robs us of us today. I can't wait to see you - sorry about tomorrow. I'd never forgive myself,though, if I got yall sick.
Much love!!!
I just laughed out loud reading this post! You are not alone..
Even after Amelia, you would think this second one would be easier?? I've had an amnio, NT Scan, and 20/24 week scan with this little man.. still I have fleeting thoughts of madness.
I get kicked and complain, but if it goes more than a few hours - I drink a little Coke to get him moving.
Clearly, I'm going to have a caffeine addict on my hands :)
My most recent worry is that since Amelia is so crazy tall, our little boy will be like 4 feet! It sounds stupid even saying out loud. Ugh!
Hang in there :)
Great Advice! Im a worrier too! I'm up for the challenge along with you! Thanks!
The worrying... I think it comes with the territory of what you are experiencing. I worried about the SAME things when I was going through IVF. We did spend the "goo gobs" of money on IUI that didn't work (I know we've talked about this). I did have to do 2 cycles of IVF to get it to work.
I had to remember, and I still remind myself of this, that worrying means that we don't trust that God is in control. That we don't have faith in Him to handle it. So don't worry my friend; God is in control!!!
I am RIGHT there with you. I've worried my way into the 7th week of pregnancy, an worrying the hours away until our ultrasound tomorrow and am praying for heartbeats. I got this quote from a fellow blogger/and V. Wilder and I will try to remind myself of it:
"Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but gets you nowhere"
Good luck to you...we are pregnant with twins and pray to hear 2 heartbeats tomorrow. :-)
I'm not sure the worrying ever ends - there is always something uncertain on the horizon to worry about! But I like the message of the email that you got. And I figure that I have enough to deal with each day that I can deal with tomorrow's worries when they come. But I am right there with you!
My husband says that I could 'What If' him to death... especially the night before the appointments. He eventually gets frustrated, and reminds me that the doctor will answer all my What If's in less then 24 hours. You are not alone! :)
Amy, I'm right there with you! And, I feel like the farther I get in the pregnancy, the more I worry! The "what if's" are crazy and I find that I keep most of them to myself (because Chad doesn't need to worry too, right?) I think, if someone else is worried about the same thing, that it might somehow add validation to the fear! haha...We could drive ourselves crazy. I think it's all a part of becoming a MOM...the ultimate reward! (Then I'm sure the worrying will never stop.)
WOW, boy did I need to read that one!! We could be long lost sisters, I swear!! great post, and don't worry so much, ok? ha ha ha!
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