B.F.D.

...could stand for Breast Feeding Done...


or


...Big Freaking Deal...


or


both.



Sadly or not so sadly (not sure which)... breastfeeding is officially over. I tried. They latched...and latched well. However, I am not sure that my milk ever came in. I never had that "feeling"...no engorgement, no pain. Nada.


I think ultimately the decision was a time crunch issue. I was attempting to breastfeed at least one of the babies each time, then I would have to supplement, and then pump afterwards to try to stimulate my milk supply. So basically I would have a 30 minute break before it was time to start the process all over again.


I felt a little sad (and of course guilty) that I "failed" at this task, but ultimately I felt a little more free (and sane, and rested) when I returned that pump to the hospital. It is nice to be able to have help from anybody and everybody with the feedings instead of trying to make it work on my own. I also wonder if my anemia (still wondering if I should have just had that transfusion) had anything to do with it...it at least contributed to the fatigue which didn't help any.

I must admit I am a little jealous of you all who were able to figure it out. I enjoyed it (for the most part) while it lasted. It is amazing the bond you feel with your child during that time. It really is something special. I thought I would be weirded out by the whole thing...but I wasn't. If we have another child (notice child mentioned in the singular form...not multiples) I will definitely give breastfeeding another shot.


So my babies are formula babies...BFD. So was I...and I am (somewhat) normal. Now we just have to figure out the "right formula" for them.


Ok...gotta go formula feed my baby girl...before she sucks the skin off of her fingers.