A Curveball

Just when you get a little too comfortable in thinking everything might actually work out, here comes the curveball.

Last night I had some bleeding. Not spotting. Bleeding. Of the bright red variety. I used to count red among my favorite colors, but it is quickly finding its way off that list. I think it will be replaced with my new favorite color...clear.

It did taper off and I had no real cramping to speak of, so I decided to wait until this morning to call the doctor. I decided to take the day off from work...I would have been useless anyway...dashing off to the bathroom every 10 minutes for a TP check...and they were able to see me this afternoon.

Still two heartbeats. Still two growing babies.

Thanks be to God.


I saw the nurse practicioner (who is so great as well) and she said it could have been anything, but we agreed it was probably either:

1. an irratated cervix (aggravated even more by a bout of constipation) or
2. the small subchorionic hemmorage they saw last time "bled-out" because they don't see it anymore (YAY!)

She went on to give me some more reassuring words...

• Multiples tend to bleed more.
• IVF patients tend to bleed more.
• Bleeding is scary, but as long as it tapers off they usually aren't too concerned.
• Miscarriage would be lots and lots of blood and lots and lots of pain.
• Most miscarriages tend to occur between 6-9 weeks and I am quickly approaching 9 weeks.

She said I am 8w5d with only 2 more days until I reach 9 weeks...I think I am 8w3d...and that's exactly what the babies are measuring too. But...I like her thinking...so for now I am 8w5d. 9 weeks here I come!

Here are two shots from US #2...still so tiny...but boy have they grown!

Here's one in 3D...

She even said to go ahead and start making my appointments with the OB and with the perinatologist. What? Are you kidding me?

I am also quickly outgrowing every pair of pants I own even though I have only gained maybe 1 or 2 lbs. However, I am way too nervous to start purchasing maternity clothes for fear of another curveball. Dumb I know, but I can't help it.

I am quickly learning that the struggles of infertility aren't over with a positive beta.

While I am ever so grateful, I really feel as though the worry that comes with a pregnancy after IF is enough to send someone over the edge. But I am thankful that I have such an amazing husband who does his best to counteract my neurotic tendencies, a wonderfully supportive family (who are probably more excited about these babies than I am), and an incredible group of friends who cheer us on all the way. But more than anything, I am blessed to be loved by an awesome God who has allowed us to continue on this journey.

To all of you who are in so many different places along this journey...hang in there. I laugh with you, cry with you, and hope for you. Thank you for doing the same for me.

I hope you hit your next curveball out of the park.