So this is how it feels...

...to just "be pregnant."

It is no surprise that Baby #3 is a surprise. I don't ever think the feelings and pain of infertility ever leave you...but it is amazing that time...a successful IVF...and a surprise pregnancy will help those wounds heal and the scars fade.

And you are left just being happy.

Don't get me wrong...it's not all rainbows and sunshine all the time...but at the end of everyday my heart is content...and happy.

And now I get to be happy (and pregnant) with some of my closest and dearest friends. I have found out this week that one of my friends is having a girl (Baby #2), another is having her surprise #3, and I just know this will be "the month" that the "homework works" for another friend for her Baby #2. I am also having dinner this week with another friend/old colleague that is due with her Baby #2 in May.

And I am happy. I am no longer an outsider looking in...happy for them, but so desperately wanting what they had. I get to be happy...genuinely happy...for them...and I suppose for me too.

And for a moment...I forget that I am an infertile posing as just a normal old pregnant girl and I think "so this is how it feels." It feels good. Never in a million years would I change one thing that brought me to P and C...but happiness without heartache is nice for a change.