Christmas Wishes from a Crazy Person

Happy Holidays to all my friends and family who for whatever reason read my ramblings. Nothing new to report on the baby front...well at least on my baby front.

I have been attending yet another pity party...had I not miscarried the first time I might be holding my own baby right about now. I would have been due in mid-December. Anyway...this too shall pass. Right?


Everytime I think my pity party is coming to an end...another guest (sometimes unannounced or uninvited) arrives.

Yep...I think they have me surrounded...pregnant women and newborns. Everytime I think I have my Crazy Person symptoms under control, something else happens.

Let me just give you a sample...

Two new babies born in the family...
Precious Emma (Katie and Brannon's little girl)
Little Chance (Shae and Chris' new boy...can't wait to meet him)

Of course I love each one dearly, but it reminds you of the empty hole in your heart.

I have a number of friends who are pregnant or have just had babies.
I am so happy for them too, but I suppose jealousy rears it ugly head even when you don't want it to.

And you would think I could at least go to work and escape it all. Oh no.
2 girls in my 2nd block are pregnant. And to add insult to injury...they constantly have to go to the bathroom and guess who gets to write them and their damn baby bumps a pass? Me.
1 girl in my 4th block just had her 2nd child. Really? Come on.

I swear I am going to get my own saying..."You must have the patience of Amy." (Forget that Job character.)

So despite me trying to leave the pity party...it is hard. My husband thinks I am a crazy person because I am convinced every show on TV contains a baby or baby references. I finally convinced him after we were catching up on our DVR (best invention ever) shows Private Practice and Eli Stone. Ok...I expect Private Practice, but Eli Stone? I looked at him and said "See, I told you so!" He looked at me like "OK crazy person...you are right this time." (Yes...satisfaction for Crazy Person in knowing that she isn't all that crazy.)


People ask when we are going to start back to the doctor. I just keep saying after the first of the year. I truly don't know when we will start. IVF is a huge emotional and financial investment. We only have about half in both areas.

However, I have started to think more postively in that it will work for us. Why not us right? The doctor was the one who said healthy egg, healthy sperm, healthy uterus. I also keep in mind that God must be building patience within me for things to come. Maybe I will need all of this patience because we might have multiples as a result of IVF. Wouldn't that be somethin'...

I have come across two sayings that I like regarding patience...

Never think that God's delays are God's denials. Hold on; hold fast; hold out. Patience is genius.

and

Patience is a bitter plant but it has sweet fruit.


So...for now, no news. Maybe 2009 will be our year.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!